activities to build responsible decision making: Pause power, examining close calls, and reporting mistakes

The goal of this activity is simple— to become more aware of what specific skills, talents, and strengths help us achieve our goals so that we can deliberately use those skills in the future. 

ELEMENTARY STUDENTS

Pause Power is a decision-making strategy that has two parts. It begins with identifying what is really important to us and the principles that we want to live our life by. Help children identify what is most important for them. It might be "telling the truth,” or "being a good friend." You can help them identify what's important, but make sure it's what is important to them, not you.

Second, help children develop a habit of pausing when they are faced with an important decision and thinking about what's most important to them and then using those principles to guide their decision. This will help them avoid making impulsive decisions or being overly influenced by peer pressure. If a child's decision reflects what is important to them, they will feel better about that decision. So, when you see children struggling with a decision, remind them to use their Pause Power. With practice it will become a habit that will help them make decisions based on their values and their true selves.

MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENTS

Phew, that was a close call! How many times have we experienced a close call in our life? What's interesting is how we respond to close calls. As Karl Weick and Kathleen Sutcliffe point out in their book, “Managing the Unexpected,” we tend to think of a close call as a positive outcome or success. Barely passing the test shows that we studied enough; being the last person selected for a team shows that we are a good enough athlete. At a minimum we chalk it up to luck and move on. What we don't do often enough is examine the close call as a failure nearly avoided to see what we can learn from it.

As children become teenagers, they will find themselves in more risk-filled situations such as driving a car, staying out later, or going on unchaperoned trips with friends. They are likely to have close calls such as a car accident that was barely avoided. We need to encourage adolescents to not just learn from their mistakes, but to learn from their Close Calls. Help them think through what could have happened, what led to that situation, and what they can do differently in the future to avoid that situation. A Close Call is a gift, but only if we examine and learn from it. So, encourage your child to examine a close call as a kind of failure they can learn from, not as a success that they should feel good about. Like all social and emotional skills this practice can serve them well throughout their life.

HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS

Researchers Martin Landau and Donald Chisholm tell the story of a seaman on the US Navy's aircraft carrier the Carl Vinson who lost a tool somewhere on the flight deck. Knowing that the tool could cause a serious accident if a jet sucked it into its engine on takeoff or landing, the seaman immediately reported his mistake. All take-offs were cancelled, and all landings were diverted until the tool was found. Not only was the seaman not reprimanded for losing his tool, but he was commended for his action because his honesty may have saved lives. 

Teenagers make mistakes. As parents we should encourage our children to report their mistakes to us so that we can help them learn from their experiences. Even if we need to discipline them for their mistake, we should always thank them for being honest and telling us, and we should discuss with them how they could have handled the situation better. Mistakes are a great learning opportunity for our children if we encourage them to share their mistake with us, we respond with patience and understanding, and we help them learn from the experience.